So much has happened since the last post.

The reason I began this blog, a loved one I felt betrayed me, is in my life again, thru email and the occasional phone call. I think we have come to terms with ourselves and each other. 

Finding myself on utube turned out to be just the kick in the ass I needed but did not know it. 

I gave a workshop on my dance form, it went really well and has inspired me in unforseen ways. 

Snake Dance Queen

I am planing a community garden, that will be a center of positive life for the city, which is no small feat. 

I found a lost dream and began helping her along her path... It is a book that has a mind of her own. 

And at the moment I am in serious but good pain. The pain that means my body is coming back to life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





 

It has been well over a year now since I have been able to pray...

My dance is my prayer...

I let someone I love record me praying.

She gave it to someone else.

I am torn.

Half of me wants to turn my back on the dance that I love so much. Never dance like a snake again.

The other half is tempted to teach everyone who is interested.

I miss the dance, music, movement. The meditation that comes along. The freeness of it.

After such a hard pregnancy, delivery, recovery, I want my body back. I want my dance back.

But now it reminds me of something painful.

How do I reclaim it?

I suppose hard work and a lot of love from my friends, family...

I have a lot of work to do. Yet, I am taking a break to write out a blog... I thought I was over all of that new- fangled- weird -net stuff! ;)
I am trying to reach out to someone. I will lead the proverbial horse to water... it will be up to her what she does with it. I will do this with a sense of humor, otherwise I might cry or get angry, neither of which will do any good. I have learned that a person can be honest without being harsh or brutal. To go from talking with emotion to talking with logic alone takes alot of patience. 
I dont have a lot of time, so the short and not so sweet of it is this, my feelings have been hurt in many diffrent ways and on many levels. Not the least of which involded me surprised by seeing myself on Utube!

I know that I hurt her feelings as well. I held myself accountable for my portion. I even bought flowers and said I was sorry, over and over agein. And I ment it. 
My question is can she do the same? And mean it? If we begin to speak agein, there has to be some opening up and real accoutability going on.
I am not going to walk on eggshells for fear that I might say something that will make her angry. Makeing her angry is not my intention just as me being hurt is not what I'm interested in either.
According to my father, I need to start writing agein. So, maybe this is a good place to start. I'll have to think about it. What should I write about?...